We have all felt it. That slight yucky feeling when we see or hear about something that puts into question your own worth. The green eyed monster which feels like it is about the other person but deep down it taps into your own insecurity.

Friedrich Nietzsche writes;

“The serpent that stings us means to hurt us and rejoices as it does so; the lowest animal can imagine the pain of others. But to imagine the joy of others and to rejoice at it is the highest privilege of the highest animals.”

There are two major types of social comparison: upward comparison, when people compare themselves to people who are better than they are, and downward comparison, when people compare themselves to those who are less proficient than they are. Both upward and downward comparisons have strengths and weaknesses and in some ways unavoidable; our minds want to quantify. Our minds want to rank and file and organise information and understand where we fit into the scheme of things.

We often struggle to accept ourselves the way we are, because if we do so, we fear that we’ll never change for the better.

I think if we can be more aware of how we are comparing ourselves, we can take back some control and use it to our advantage. There is no denying that we all do it, so if you tell yourself you don’t, then you are kidding yourself. Comparison can also be a liar who says your best won’t ever be good enough. Especially in the world of Instagram realities, measuring your success through comparison is an easy way to feel unhappy. The only escape from the envy trap is to embrace comparison in a healthy manner, rather than avoid it at all costs.

When we choose to look up to our peers who are better off than us, let go of perfectionism and use their success as inspiration to improve, we’ll be much more likely to achieve our goals too.

Use that comparison energy for your own life. You can learn to redirect the comparison to a past and a present self and keep the comparison within. Keeping in mind, this self competition is to be inspiring and come from a place of curious self discovery.

What are you doing today that you couldn’t have done five, three, or even one year ago?

We are always becoming more. Who you are today is a result of the decisions you made yesterday. We are always in a state of creation if we choose to be. Ask yourself these questions if you need some prompting;

  • What new decisions have you made or what new actions have you taken that have resulted in you moving in a new direction in your life?
  • How has your life improved?
  • How have you improved?
  • What have you done recently that you never thought you could do?
  • How are you doing more of what you said you were going to do and shown up more consistently for your own success?


Compliment instead of compare. It is simple but such a powerful way to turn those negative feelings of inadequacy into lifting up another. And that feels good for you and the other.

Through community we can expand our individual shared identities. We are separate AND one community, and through each other, we learn more about ourselves. Nurturing relationships can help us see our interior world in the larger context and a shared space can be a platform to lift off from and come back to when needed.

Tribe Women supports the We AND the I. We guide individuals through the practice of self discovery,  introduce shared rituals which compliment personal beliefs, all while lifting up each other.  We understand that we are all different but have shared passion to find purpose and live out our own meaning of success.

Let’s stop comparing ourselves to each other and start competing with ourselves and cheer on one another from the sidelines.

By Dani Trudeau

We send our newsletter every two weeks so if you enjoyed this blog and would like to read more Keystone thoughts, please sign up below.