What I have learned so far about getting out of my own way.
As an entrepreneur, it is important to be rooted, to integrate all parts of you, and make sure you don’t get in your own way. The difficulty is that we often do not see the ways we are stopping ourselves. We tend to focus on things we can’t control and lose sight of the biggest barrier, the one which you have the most control over: you. I often hear people talk about what they know they shouldn’t be doing or what they should be doing but are not. There can also be awareness without the skills or know how to change course.
As with most great things, there is no shortcut. There is no lifehack that will solve all your problems. You can trust doing diligent, meaningful work and getting started.
Give up the ridiculous idea of perfection.
Perfection is a theoretical concept that does not exist in reality. You are probably waiting until the conditions are just right for it to be perfect. It will never be. You only have two choices: imperfect or nothing. Stop waiting to learn one more thing, get one more opinion, or make one last tweak. Just be okay with imperfection.
Remember the why.
Living an unconscious life where we never think of our Why is a sure way to make ourselves feel lost and without purpose. Take time to reflect on your purpose right now. If you don’t know what it is, don’t judge that. Allow yourself some time to figure it out and remember that the things you are passionate about are not random.
Reflect, reflect, reflect.
Reflection is a great way to take stock, exhale and remember the pivotal moments and accomplishments on macro and micro levels. Looking back helps root you in a place, gives you strength in a real way that is founded in truths and discoveries. It also makes you pause. Too often we are sprinting to some end, too focused on the goal to take notice of the victories along the way. Too often we talk ourselves out of the next step.
Name the fear.
Doubt creeps in and fear can find clever ways of rejecting your motivation and confidence. I have difficulty using the phrase lack of confidence. To me, it somehow implies that the fault is with the individual when really the problems are often cultural. Especially in the conversation about working women.
It is useful to name the fear itself. What are the concerns and fears and what might help mitigate them. You can then figure out how to overcome them instead of them overcoming you.
Integration.
We are not encouraged by society to be all of who we are – we are often too loud, too bossy, too timid, too much, too little. Where have you been encouraged to integrate all of you? Who is telling women that our power comes from our wholeness? It is not a message I have heard. More often than not, the messages have been to be a version of someone else, act a particular way, look a certain way. Sometimes we are still discovering parts of who we are and sometimes we need to see parts of us in a new way. Accept her in. The imperfect, embarrassing, unenlightened parts. It then becomes less about changing and more about integrating, accepting and growing.
Acceptance for growth.
“You must love the thing you want to change.” Jung
I am holding on to the wisdom that vulnerability is the acceptance of imperfection coupled with the willingness to be flexible. This affirms the thinking that brokenness comes from inflexibility not vulnerability. I am also going to approach my resolutions differently. Who do I want to become and what would that person do regularly? Then you can create your habits to support change. With each habit being a step towards the future desired identity with acceptance and the want for more.
Patience and perseverance.
It doesn’t sound sexy because it is not. We live in an instant gratification world and taking your time, at your own pace isn’t exciting. We often fail to adapt because change is so slow. That small new habit seems too small to result in big changes, so we give up. Lasting change is slow and the best time to start really is now.
“Perseverance, secret of all triumphs.” Victor Hugo
Along with patience and perseverance is the lack of worry. The poet Rilke put it well: “Life is not even close to being as logically consistent as our worries; it has many more unexpected ideas and many more facts than we do.” It is far better to spend your energy on your habits and actions than to worry about the unknowns.
If you want to lay the foundations of the next stage of your working life, join us at Keystone Women. We are about to start our next cohort on the 1st February. You can join until the 28th January.
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